Why am I angry all the time?

Anger is a feeling that is not always welcome. We all get angry at some point and it is a normal and natural feeling. Managing it however can be another story. Many things can affect our response to anger. Our upbringing and how our family dealt with anger. Did they all shout and scream, bottle it up or ignore it or were they able to sit down and discuss it with solution focused approach. If we have been taught that being angry is not allowed, we learn to suppress our anger which over time can turn into sadness or we could end up lashing out at the wrong person. If we can learn to track back our anger and identify the cause of anger, we can respond assertively rather than aggressively.

Where does anger come from?

Anger is a secondary emotion. Usually another feeling takes place before the anger takes over and impacts our mind and body causing us to react. Feelings of frustration, disappointment, loss, humiliation or being oppressed are just some of the causes of anger. These feelings can activate our parent or child ego states and we can respond as a controlling parent or rebellious child.

For example if I am taking a walk and trip up and fall I might get angry if someone laughs at me. What feeling came before the anger? It would have been to feel humiliated or ridiculed before the anger took over? No one wants to feel humiliated so the anger helps us to recognise we are uncomfortable. If we respond from our parent ego state our response might be ‘how dare you laugh at me?’ wanting to control the situation and response from the other or we may lash out and vent from a child ego state.

What helps?

You can explore the impact of your anger and how to manage the ego states further in therapy or by learning to reflect and track back, journal-ling or starting to recognise your triggers. How would you like to communicate what has made you angry in an assertive way?